she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
