thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
