Already got asked if we're dating
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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