Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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