I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
