I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
