I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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