Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
