TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
