so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize