i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
