i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
