My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Quick, to the slutcave!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize