Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
