the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
