i jhust puked up my retainher.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
