Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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