Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
