Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
