Even water is tasting like jack daniels
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize