Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
