DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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