i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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