Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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