We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
