dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
