dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
two words: eviction party
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
