i just had sex bonerless
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
