why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize