its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We are all done wearing pants today
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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