All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
