god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm sobbing to NWA
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
