I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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