Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
