Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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