the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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