he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
