A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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