never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Can I color on your dick again?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
