fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
