I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
