is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
