Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize