based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
