now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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