who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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