Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dicks are not precious.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
