It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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