My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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