stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
