First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
