she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
