It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
