Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
