The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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