I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
