College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize