Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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