Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
