it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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