i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
ugly people sure do ruin things
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
