I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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