You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
