yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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