i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
