For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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