She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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