you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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