I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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