Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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