Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
