So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
