Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Everyone says I win the strip club
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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