I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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