if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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