I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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