Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize