Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize