Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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