she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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