Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
