her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
