yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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