sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
