he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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