So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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