we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize