Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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