Will you blow on my dice?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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