Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
