I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
