I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Less talking, more tequila
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
