the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
