im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
