whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize