found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
