you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You took a bar mat shot.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize