47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
